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Now, we men know what the wedding day would actually be like if we planned the day. In fact, in the ages gone past, men were very much in control of the wedding day. Did you know that? It's true! In those days gone by, the wedding would start with the man taking his bride into the tent all by himself. When the bride and groom came out of the tent with a smile on their faces, it was no mystery to the family, friends, and neighbors what they had been doing in that tent. It was the thrill of a lifetime for the young couple to leave the tent to be cheered with applause as they tried not to blush. You see, in those days when men planned the entire wedding, they really knew how to plan a wedding feast. The feast would last for the entire week. Go figure! There was no chance that the new groom was going to wait for an entire week to get to the grand finale' of his first wedding night. They knew how to start the celebration off right. Okay, well ...now that we know just how backwards we've grown over the ages, we also now know why men are in such a hurry to finish the wedding and move on to the grand finale'. Now, men, it may be a little bit difficult for you to remember this part of the ceremonious wedding night after the last good-byes were said to your family and friends and the last doors were shut ...but just give it try. It will all come back to you. Try and think back about that beautiful wedding dress your bride was wearing as she stood before your very eyes ...you understand, the very last time on the night you actually saw her standing in that wedding dress all alone. There she was standing before your eyes ...like a goddess! Now, this is where it all gets blurry and your memory fades, I understand that. However, she got out of that dress somehow! Think man! It did not simply vanish from off her body into thin air. How did that dress come off? Aha! The subtlety of women! The cleverness! Without a word ...without a request ...somehow they magically get us to take that dress off them. All the while, they have us thinking how lucky we are to be able to remove their dress. We know what's coming. This is it! This is going to be the luckiest night of our life. Then, of all the luck; of all the good fortune; she lets us remove her dress. Our confidence begins to soar as we take one last look at that picture of perfection. Then, we stop, and we begin to gaze at her hardware. ...Ahem! Not that hardware; the dress itself ...as in the buttons and zippers! Suddenly, we begin to think about just how easy it was the first time we took off our bicycle tire or changed the oil in our car for the very first time. We stand there for a moment puzzling as to just what part of her wiggle to set free from that dress first! Oh! Now do you get it? That's why we're not allowed to see her in the dress before the wedding. We're supposed to figure this out on the spot as if our bride needs one last assurance that we'll be good at fixing whatever it is that needs fixing in the future. We can quickly see that it is going to become a challenge no less difficult than learning to play baseball for the very first time. However, unlike playing baseball, in removing the dress successfully, on that night, we are guaranteed a home run! Therein lies the monumental moment in time where it is born in the hearts of every male that we have no need of a manual; we have no need for directions; and no need to confess that we haven't a clue whatever it is we're trying to do! Now, there is a reason why our brides so quickly try to fatten us up. You see, the reason why they try to fatten us up so quickly is so they can put on a few extra pounds too. Why, you ask? Because they need to cover their tracks. They do not want to put that dress on ever again! They know they can bluff us the first time ...but to bluff us two times in a row is unlikely and may reveal their mysterious secret. |